As a result of my past, I have had the most difficult time expressing my true emotions. It seems, that by the time I’m comfortable with saying how I really feel, I’m too late. And while this has been a repeat pattern in my life, I am still not able to speed up the process.

In prayer, I have asked the Lord to help me. And, I’ve gotten better. I’m still not “fast enough.” For the past few years, I’ve lived my life behind a fortified wall of protection. But, now, due to a particular interest and the effort of a single person, I’ve been living life outside of the wall. Now what?

I feel alone, vulnerable and exposed for all to see. I feel uncomfortable outside of the wall, but on some level, I feel better as well - free. What can I make of this jumble of emotions?

Right now, I do not have the answers. I quite frankly am not sure of what to do. And, so, in this time, I’m going to do the best thing that I can do. Pray and wait for an answer from the Lord. The Bible tells us that God is not the author of confusion – therefore I have to find a way to silence these racing thoughts in my mind. The only way to do that is through utter submission to the will of my Father.

It seems that around every major holiday, there is an attack from my adversary. He always tries something so why I’m not aware and always caught off guard I’m not sure. I guess I need to open my eyes wider! But, now that I’m fully aware of what is going on, I’m determined to fight – on my knees – in prayer. Jesus came, lived, died and rose again so that I could have the access to the Father. I cannot think of a better gift to give Him for His birthday than to show Him my ever increasing faith. Times are emotionally tough for me right now, but I trust God. He is my hope, and my ultimate answer.

If you find yourself going through a bit of emotional roughness during this season, for whatever reason, I do pray that you will turn your eyes upon Jesus now. For He alone is worthy to be worshipped and adored. I pray that you will give Him the gift of your ever increasing faith.

Be Blessed!
Sanya